arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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