Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
