Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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