It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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