You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize