Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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