I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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