listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
