I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
