I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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