dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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