Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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