is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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