The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize