why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
