Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
