If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
