My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
