Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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