my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
this hospital has no fireball
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
