she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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