i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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