Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
