the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
