Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
