it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
