All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
