How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
