so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
