Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
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Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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