One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
