i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
