based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
