Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
