You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
