The maid of honor just puked.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
