I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
