Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
