you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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