When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
