I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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