Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
