Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
