If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
