If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We just shotgunned beers for America
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
