Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
