remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
