you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
