Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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