dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she smelled like a LAN party
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
