Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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