So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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