Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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