Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You need Xanax blowdarts
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
