I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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