"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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