I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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