So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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