You just made me feel so damn special
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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