We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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