I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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