i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
