my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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