i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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