Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
