Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
