last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We need to get me chipped asap
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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