Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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