I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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