worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
