Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
