i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
