If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
