I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
