I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
