so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
