I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
