I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
